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Archive for the ‘Rant-tage!’ Category

I lv u ..I lv u nt

I love
free lunches
to end up at the counter
and before I’m to pay
a voice from behind
who has a birthday
and I’m all sponsored
I give a shit
if it’s after my order’s placed
I’ll goddamn change it
fuck you counter boy
just fucking take my order
and don’t throw me glances
as long as you get the bucks
you’ll do my job
so I will be (unnaturally) nonchalant
double my ordering
add coke to it
and not reach my pocket
and remain happy for the rest of the day
thinking
it’s one bonus trip to the same place
thank you, birthday boy
may you live long
and may we be friends as long!

I hate
typing
cell phone messages
the sms lingo
people
who have free messaging
and who are males
cuz they won’t call
and I have to
my calling equals sms’ing
a rupee for both
so mostly
I
yes I
end up making calls
to save myself
some frustration
certain avoidable exertion
it’s okay with you ladies
if you’re additionally pretty
and I see
in bothering my fingers
a profitable investment
but in long
yes I do
hate
what they call
short messaging service
damn shit piss!

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Wish I could just…

It was exactly a month back when ROS had tagged me. Here I go Di, listing 5 (10 would have been hideously despairing) different things I miss, kinda tardy, but what the heck!

  1. Home, and no wonder why! There isn't a place like your home, anywhere. Maa ke haath ka khana with the whole kitchen at your raven disposal, kutte ki lick-lick, padosi ki jawaan beti, aapki small city mein aapke IIT'ian hone ki aukaat, and so much more!
  2. School Days, again no marvel disclosure. Those were the days – when you could be the teacher's pet and the naughtiest in the class both conjointly, where hogging the limelight came trifling easy with piddling exertion and hence you could feast on the wonderment of junior grade girls (and if you were jammy enough, you could have ensnared a few proposals your way), when books weren`t much of a hassle after all, which was the last place you could have possibly been sledgehammered (ok not really :P) for mischief, and also the last place where you would die to positively catch a clandestine glimpse of a flying skirt due to flash wind and hence giving one his (not her I`m sure!) inaugral sexual experiences and hence marking you on the road to verbal perdition as preoccupied serial ogling beasts! Yeah, those were the days.
  3. Not keeping a Pet! Yeah, as uncannily weird as it sounds, I`m an obsessed animal lover! With the quantum of love and care and concern I`ve reared my dogs, I could have alternatively brought up ten orphan kids and enjoyed a comfortable old age even if all of them were to grow up begging on street! Not that I hate the human race, but looks like something inside me is reserved for tenderness against the speechless species.
  4. Nothing to ride! Driving must easily qualify as one of my major passions. However, folks here can`t stand any environment befoulment by vrrrroooooming vehicles inside campus even if Delhi smashes all records of contamination! They would never buy my utterly convincing track record that doesn`t mention of even a whisker of a smash, ever :(. They won't give a damn to how as a kid I was always snooping from the backseat as Dad drove, and got my initiatory lessons by the painful procedure of sticking my neck out and trying to decode why some lever was pressed and when. And the flamboyantly adventurous face music every time they are hitched, as the institute pockets an amount significantly more than what you could spend on gasoline a month!
  5. psssssst, a girl in my life! Yep, you taste blood once, and you are left asking for more drips later on! Viruses come bundled with the glinting software packages. Celibacy is the one seemingly affecting thousands of healthy men in the IIT campuses! The (periodic) false (and vaguely narcissistic) solacement that "they don't know what they are missing" often doesn't lend me any more peace in this regard! All I ask for is a companion, someone with whom my infinite capacity to love and share be put to good use. Koi haiiiiiii, koi sun raha haiiii? :D:P

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Countdown To Perfection..

Guess I didn`t intend to begin my WordPress sojourn with any kind of possibly explosive confessional activity. However, as a venerable inhabitant of blogosphere, I need to respect this obligatory native culture of following up to tags by fellow bloggermates. Kavita Di must know 8 things I`ll look for in my partner so that things be perfect :

  1. A sensible conversationalist. I`ll be traumatised ino acute boredom if she should turn out to be a believer in “silence is gold”! No! And then there are times when you want your girl to do the speaking, and corner yourself into mute spectatorship, just loving the way she would laugh at her own words, or make those funny faces, or hit at anything in vicinity! Oh man, its kweet!
  2. Love for animals, and appreciation for the least, if not overtly passionate like me! I`m a diehard pet admirer and lover, and I`m sure to keep some, dogs in particular. Hence, she should be agreeable to (and best if supportive) to my animal instincts!
  3. Confident, assertive, intellectually/professionally/technically motivated. I`ll allow for the occasional dumbness they all exhibit (apologies! No offence intended), but to make sense when required and sex when not, is what I`d be looking for. Your girl`s your most prized possession. What a psychological victory in undeclared domains over peers if you have an astonishingly presentable wife! And I won`t mind her playing the seductress, as long as it`s limited to just about that!
  4. Genuinely good humoured. This is something every guy desires and I dare not be exceptional. I need to have occasional doses of active participation in being witty from her side as well, as I can`t be the joke maker everytime! And I find confidence with capacity for humour combo incredibly sexy.
  5. Experimentative. She should throw in surprises when I`m least expecting any. Leaving those wild sexual fantasies aside, I would love to be tricked and amazed and caught off-guard. What`s life without a little spice in it!
  6. Shrewd and discerning, especially when personal benefit is to be derived. That`s what I state as being practical. An astute partner is an asset – she won`t let you go weak on your knees or compromise plainly due to emotional constraints. I would love the woman to hold centerstage and dictate things. A girl who can decide for you should be incredibly appealing.
  7. I won`t ask for obsession or perfection here, but yeah, she must have all the requisite standard kitchen experience that should feed her man to satisfaction. Guess the way to my heart is not exactly through my stomach, but the appetite part has to be given due consideration. And again, perfection at housekeeping would completely floor me down if all the above were to be satisfied as well. The new age woman is going places, but she also keeps order in her domains.
  8. Gorgeous, beautifully asseted and a nymph in bed (I`m sorry ..I`m a normal guy)!

Whoops! That was fun! I`ve probably not listed everything that I desire for perfection, but still, 8 is good enough. Again, I`m not very sure of myself if all the above would stay as I near the time to actually start looking for a partner.I find Indian women amzingly attractive and perfect anyhow, so doesn`t really matter if even half of the above were to remain unsatisfied!

Yo ladies! Anybody fits the bill?

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Tagged !!!

The baton has been passed on to me..here`s my response in the continuation of the tag –

  • 5 years ago : I was 16, the JEE mania had got me over, I was on the road to spoil probably the best days @ school with Resnick & Halliday/ Morrison Boyd, I`d made a terrible mistake selling my Biology texts, I was suddenly serious about life and I didn`t have a fucking hint this girl would propose this Valentine !
  • 1 year ago : I was extremely busy “interacting” with freshers in the midst of the most taxing semester I`ll ever have [guess what, I screwed up..and so fucking badly], things had started looking good on the love front, I was devouring every vestige outta the vast reserves of DC++ with the newly acquired PC and kiddo had arrived 😛
  • 5 English songs I knew all the words to :
  1. Escape – Enrique
  2. Summer Of `69 – Bryan Adams
  3. American Pie – Madonna
  4. Stacy`s Mom – Fountains Of Wayne
  5. Powerless – Nelly Furtado

God.. I realise I actually knew lots more !!

  • 5 snacks I enjoy : Paav Bhaji, Raj Kachori, Paneer Pakodas, Pizzas and Grill Sandwiches.
  • Things I`d do with $100 million : Buy a Merc, own a Yacht, a private Jet, a dog farm, tour Europe, get my IIT degree faked, a Sony Vaio, an Xbox/PSP, devour all kinda sweets, snacks, delicacies, exotic food etc. and later register for a monthly medical checkup @ John Hopkins !
  • 5 places I would run away to : Kerala, France, Home, African Safari and agar time mila to someday I`d come back to IIT-D too 🙂
  • 5 things I would never wear : torn jeans, indigenous sweaters, boxer shorts, that school waala trouser and tiepins.
  • 5 greatest joys :
  1. Qualifying JEE
  2. Her Love
  3. Success/Adulation
  4. Helping Selflessly and Success in bringing smiles.
  5. Making My Folks Proud
  • 5 Favourite Toys : My PC, mobile, my pet, Mr. Dick and kids.

Huh..that was tough but actually led to loads of soul-searching. Thanks to Anjul -> Taru.

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