Archive for October, 2005

I`m normally excessively frustrated if misfortune befalls when I`d least require it to! And in what fashion! My PC screws up one fine day for no obvious reasons ..I`m sitting in front of the desktop, lazying away. Pooof! The CPU makes three cracking noises and off goes the power. I knew the countdown to Diwali has begun! Everything switches off so softly and within nanoseconds, that it would bring normal Windows shutdown process to shame! It didn`t take me long to realise I`ve been stranded in the middle of Sahara with a mobile phone and a discharged battery!

God! Why me? I mean I was having a ball lately, with the new visitors to my blog. It seems I was writing/commenting well. I was enjoying other`s blogs. I was into lots of networking, from Bombay to USA! And all of a sudden, I`ve been crippled. I`ve no means left to continue bonding with my online friends. I`ve never been this helpless in my life perhaps! I`m sad!

I know the power supply has fucked itself. And I`ll have to go in for a complete replacement. You know when one thing goes wrong, you`ll normally find a cascade of events that will turn your life upside down. Exactly with me! I`d birthdays of two friends coming up. I know they`ll kill me if I don`t wish them. Plus these two assignment submissions, which if I don`t, guarantee a remorseful Diwali. And almost everybody with a PC in the hostel looks at you with disdain if you occupy their`s for unusual long hours ..and sending e-cards or chatting raises certain eyebrows with the result that they had indulge in some unsolicited privacy intrusion ..ultimately I`ll remove my coy self, with all possible respect to the PClord, making sure I`m like oh so thankful to him for those few minutes on his computer as if it just saved my life. Life my ass 😡

For all my respectable blog readers, I apologise for commenting irregularly on your posts, and may be I might be sounding weird these days. You see I`m moved. I`m screwed up. I just don`t have that comfort level if I`m not on my very own PC 😦 And here I am ..in the Institute Computer Services Center. I`d never remotely fantasised I`d be here, again. I`d never known this god damn electronic item could lend me into such gruesomely hapless positions!

Kindly consider my hopeless situation and don`t mind any observable irregularities at places I used to happily frequent till a few days back.



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Small Luxuries

With the onset of winter, I somehow tend to realise the importance and comfort of a sound slumber. During summers I would normally shy away from bed : for the hot air of our cramped hostel rooms normally won`t allow even switching the fan on! I must confess I used to sleep bare naked last summer! And I hate those bed sheets clinging to my torso when I wake up every morning. Its one time when I despise all varieties of fabric without conflict. Thank God we can safely roam around at free will in the hostel wearing just the bare essentials! However, things start getting better with plummeting temperatures.

Ah I love winters! When you need not take showers everyday [though I`m pretty regular at it!], when I can wear the same undies for two days atleast, a life without assortments of a zillion different stenches emanating from every god damn soul, and finally the comfort of napping away in those ultra warm blankets.

Yeah, I just love the coziness accorded by those seemingly thick layers of cotton, tucked away in a colorful fashion, a visual treat to the eyes as well! I kind of feel an overdose of smugness, that exotic comfort when wrapped in a blanket. Its so soft that at times I even snuggle in compromising positions! You know I feel like getting wild with that thing! I just wanna nestle it as close to the body as possible! In fact its a routine exercise that you can witness predominantly on the relatively cooler nights. Sometimes I even use two, one on top of the other! Mom says it keeps you warmer rather than one bulky quilt, and of course she gets it right. As mercury dips, the stinginess of room space doesn`t seem to bother me anymore! The smaller the merrier. And perhaps that`s the time when I prefer gatherings in my room. Everybody seems to draw comfort with everybody else present around.

However, a virus comes bundled with this absolutely essential hardware. I must again admit that my attendence in lectures [which is not very good anyway] during winters goes down in direct proportion to outside temperatures! I mean how can you render yourself such gruesome penance as to remove the warm blanket over your shivering body in the chilly weather! See basically the temptation is sufficiently luring to fall prey too. I`m open to oversleeping if its as comfy as the sweet winter slumber! Plus I`m not into keeping myself warm getting drunk [though I think of validating that out someday!].

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A Walk To Remember…

I continue watching a host of love stories. You might wonder if this is after love happened to me. Most certainly yes. And I am in complete awe of these movies made in Hollywood. They all seem to strike just the right chords everytime.

A Walk To Remember – another of the stock that keeps getting better. Pretty straightforward story of this handsome guy, popular with girls, definitive attitude. Until by some twist of fate he comes unwillingly in contact with this socially outcast girl in school, who wears the same sweater everyday, is crazy about her telescope, who dreams to witness a miracle. Naturally enough, we learn she`s the kind of girl every guy likes to be with in the long run. He discovers her : she`s got the capacity for limitless love, a most caring heart. He is changed. He falls for her. Her being not comfortable with kissing is agreeable to our casanova. He learns to dance with her. Then he gets to know the girl`s down with leukemia [blood cancer ..incurable basically]. The guy learns it the hard way. In first impression he feels cheated. Then the lover in him takes sway. She`s got to live a life in these few days. He builds a more sophisticated, powerful telescope for her. He`s beside her bed day and night at the hospital. She`s forever dreamt of marrying in the Church her mother did. It happens. She`s married at 18 and dies soon after.

If you`ve haven`t realised it yet, this guy was her miracle, she`d waited her whole life for. The one who brought cheers to the sickened lover. Who made dying both easy and painful for her : she`d be angry with God forever..for keeping her stay a rather short affair..and both complaining and grateful for introducing the guy during the last few scenes. Her faith in him made him believe in himself, his abilities. She went but ensured her [earlier rogue] guy got through to the medical school. Quite a poignant story being told here. Easily one of the best love stories I`ve seen. As usual, I`m moved. Deeply.

I want to love like him. It was selfless. It was only about giving. There was no ‘me’, just her. They smiled together. He cried with her : and even without her. He prayed, for her well being, for everything. Yes I`m learning what it is to love. She`s your only thought. She`s the one you had die for. You want to be her cocoon. You want to keep her safe. She`s your life. You want to give her everything. You`d love her so much. So much.

PS: You might just drop in a request for the movie`s soundtrack. That should make you realise what I`ve said above.

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Our Best Friends…

Who do you think they are – your pals at school, or college, or your hostelmates? Probably one of those for the majority of us. But have you ever realised the worth of something we hardly ever spare thoughts for, whose existence is so vacuously assumed, who won`t normally find a place in your discussions, who perhaps have the purest, unadulaterated, unselfish and undemanding love for you – its our family, the vast legion of kinship out there that simply loves you for what you are.

Have you ever introspected enough to realise your worth, ever pondered over the purpose of your mortal existence, ever dawned to you that there are folks you owe so much to? Yeah I know for sure I`m at times so damn negligent towards them, my parents. I`d scarcely give a thought to how they groomed me as you see it today. I would hardly empathise of the pains I must have given them and still their love stock would never inundate. Our families, as I said, are perfect living emblems of altruism. They are the ones who`ll always pray for our good, who`ll actually stand by us every moment of our lives.

Just returning from home, I yet again realise what a perfectly revitalisation it is to be there. Think of those people who get to see you once a month or so, who had wet eyes when you first left your home, who don`t miss calling you every alternate day just to know you are doing well, the mother who`ll cuddle you every time you are home, the father who makes sure life`s cool for you. You know its such an inexplicible bond we share with these people, their presence still comforts us maximally, I feel so relaxed and safe when they are around. I`m always a kid for them, mom would still hesitate to let me drive alone, Dad had never allow me deposit the electricity bills!

Yes, these people at their unquestioning self are our best friends. They look up to us..we are, in some sort an altogether different identity perspective for them. And still, we at times have such a volatile idea of their existence. However, ultimately we need to realise the importance our obligations to those forgotten souls. We are for them, and then for ourselves.

With Lots Of love

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I was not hallucinating. I know I was fast asleep, as usual I`m till 10 or so in the morning. I know dreams are immensely captivating and grossly misleading at the same time. I day dream a lot, but that`s something I want to see. This was different. Today its something else.

I`ve had the shittiest to the most charming dreams in my life, those that woke me up bang in the middle of my mammoth-like sleep, to those that make me want to keep the eyes closed for just a moment more. This was a hybrid – I was in shock when I woke up and I perfectly remember lying down again just because I wanted to continue this dream! Sounds weird but have you ever noticed yourself doing this sometime? Yes it does happen, with me for sure.

Back to the best dream of my twenty one years of existence – yes, it was a message..I`m not saying a message from Him, though it implicitly holds true..perfectly timed, couldn`t have appeared at any suitable time than this phase of my life, when I was kind of directionless, clearly heading nowhere in life, life was just moving on.

And now He seems to have sent a strong message across – and I guess I`ve understood the purpose..absolutely..this crystal ball gazing seems to have given me a goal in life, something to fight for, something to work for, something to crave for..yeah, I wanted to see myself in that frame..not just with eyes closed but in absolute consciousness. Believe me or not, it was magical..probably one of those things in life you never even dare to think of, cuz you are afraid of your own capabilities, when you repeatedely misjudge yourself, when you have given up, when you are exhausted, frustrated and hopeless.

“Everything`s got a moral, if only you know how to find it” – Gandhiji once said : I`m not going to allow this rare dream die the usual forgotten death..I won`t anymore be the stupid, idiotic, nerdy freak I`d transgressed to lately. Enough of bullshit I`ve involved into. A bowed head and folded hands to the supreme power, in whose existence I`ve always believed in..to THE NAMELESS who has heard my daily prayers..to Him who might just have given me a fresh lease of life.

Perhaps everyone of us needs some impetus to get started..some kind of go ahead, some kind of super plausible reasoning and motivation to direct you on a chosen path. I just can`t believe the Nitin I was till yesterday or till I woke up today. Whew! Those reading this will probably believe this is a big hogwash, but I sincerely hope you`ll soon see the difference. Even if you don`t, even if I don`t migrate to visible changes, I for myself know something has changed. You can brand me the biggest fool to have relied on some stupid, flashy dream and for having decided to alter the course of his life flow..but its true..some action is inevitable. I`ve most probably written more serious than I actually am but again, I can never judge myself best either!

I started on this in five minutes of waking up..I needed a credible account of the feelings that cut me through this morning, if at all they were to slip out of my glycerine memory.

PS: Thanks for reading this seemingly nonsense piece of writing, patiently this far..another favour solicited – kindly don`t ask me what I saw for its too tough for a normal person to brief you about how he had pictured himself in the realm of his dreams..and I might just invite unsolicited criticism/mockery!

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Sardarji Special…

I just couldn`t resist posting these :

Ek truck doosre truck to khinch raha tha..yeh dekh kar sardarji haskar lotpot hokar gir pade aur bole – ek rassi ka tukda uthaane ke liye 2-2 truck !!!

Teacher to student : 1869 mein kya hua tha?
student : Gandhiji ka janm.
teacher to sardar student : 1872 mein kya hua tha?
sardar : Gandhi 3 saal da ho gaya si !!!

Sardar to his friend : yaar mujhe aur meri biwi ko 6 months mein tamil seekhni padegi.
friend : kyun?
sardar : yaar hum logon ne Tamil Nadu se ek baby godd liya hai..jo 6 mahine mein bolne lagega :))

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Daily Horoscope

Are you one of the species whose first read in the daily newspaper is their horoscope for the day? Well I definitely am, cuz the first thing I do every morning is to open TOI`s epaper and skip sections to the “Today`s Fortune” column. I don`t know and I cannot explain the kick it gives me to know in advance what`s in store for me the present day. Most importantly, I find those predictions strangely true as the day passes. I mean how on earth do these fucking Astrologers know I`ll be travelling today, or I`ll have a great time with friends this evening or love is in the air [obviously if I`m to meet her today, but how on earth do they know this!!]. Somehow they seem to hit the jackpot with overwhelming precision and regularity. Moreover, I feel this weird comfort when I seem to have the pre-knowledge of what`s scheduled for the day. Stranger as it may sound, but I guess lately I`ve started shaping my activities in sync with what is professed by TOI`s official Astrologers!

Another thing, why don`t the stars ever say something about those minors/majors I sit for with that atomic-clock precise repetitiveness! Why foresee only from that exclusive set of events that should keep a normal, screwed up banda like me glued up disjontly to their paper! Ok, now that`s all politics I guess. This reminds me of the invitation I received some time back to join this community ,”I hate TOI” on Orkut. I`m sorry to the sender that I didn`t join probably because I`m a dedicated follower of TOI`s “Today`s Luck” feature..I`m sorry that its indispensable commodity as far as I`m concerned. Though ofcourse, I share everybody`s reasons for hating it [the sleazy DT serving shitloads of nonsensical stuff as one of them]. Still, Jai Ho TOI, for no other medium of Daily Horoscope has yet appealed/associated more to me 🙂

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